I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
