So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
