I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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