Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
