your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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