This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
