I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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