I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
