I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
4 words: hood of his car
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
