I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
