In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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