I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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