He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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