In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
