I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
