last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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