Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
