I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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