well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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