I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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