I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
