i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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