he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
