You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
