I must be too annoying 4 u.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
