Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
