I am spending my child support on dildos
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
