i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
