How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
