i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
