The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
