why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
