Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
