Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
