well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
