I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
