Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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