new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
