i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
