How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
