yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
