I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
whose parrot is this?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
