quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
