dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
