wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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