Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
