hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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