so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
