I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
