he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
