We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
