If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
