we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
